Message Boards
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#13
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Posted: January 4, 2012 | 2:42 PM
Haha well thank you! I'll still keep your tips in mind for the future.
 Thanks to Winter_So1dier
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#12
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Posted: January 4, 2012 | 4:46 AM
That's really cool - with that explained, I can really see the dual layers to your short story now. I'm sure your psych teacher will get it, if I did. Now that I know what they mean, I like how you integrated them! :)
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#11
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Posted: January 3, 2012 | 9:41 PM
As for the archetypes the audience is my psych teacher. I don't know if she wanted us to explain the archetypes, but if not she'll get it. For you, Lc, I'll tell you what they mean. The thief and watcher are merely figures that occur in what Jung called a collective memory that all humans share. Fire is rebirth a torch is guidance. Gold coins is greed and is payment once again in the collective memory. The sun and moon represent day and night simple as that, but also symbolize darkness and light, which are stored in the ding ding ding collective memory. It's all really interesting Jung is my favorite psychologist.
Thanks to Winter_So1dier
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#10
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Posted: January 3, 2012 | 2:49 PM
I'm checking out the website myself haha. Unfortunately I had to turn in the story today, so I was unable to change anything, but thanks for the advice. I will be sure to integrate it all in my future writing. Glad you liked the story.
Thanks to Winter_So1dier
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#9
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Posted: January 3, 2012 | 1:54 PM
Hey MK, first of all I'd like to say that the story is good, but, I agree with Herox in regards the story. I just to want add/agree with him but say, that with myself as regarding writing, what helps me in writing is picturing in my mind what I want to see leading up to that scene. It should be fluid. If I was to picture your story as a movie, it would be very abrupt as to cutting to certain scenes or describing one thing and than moving to the next. I would be nice, even if it required using larger words, to try and incorporate in a sentence or two what you want to see. Therefore a mental image can be quickly attained and seen in the minds eye.
In regards to everyone but since your working on this for class, this site might help in writing various things, especially diaglogue etc...but you since I used it beforewith sucesss and it helped me dramatically, i'm sure this will just make you freggin unstoppable LOL.
jerz.setonhill.edu/writing/creative1/sho...
One of the sites around.
Thanks for the website Silver, will check it out! :)
Check out my fanfic:
SPIDER-MAN FANZINE
THE OUTSTANDING LORD KAOS
Feedback warmly welcomed! :)
LCMC
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#8
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Posted: January 3, 2012 | 1:53 PM
Hi Moon, Great story! Mysterious and I'm interested in Jung so do let us know what all the archetypes mean. I agree with Silver and Hero. Also, I would make the story more direct by avoiding the passive tense and sticking to something more direct. It just makes the reader more involved, I think. Also, consider what audience your writing for. If it's a bunch of psychologists - fine, I think they'll get he archetypes but if it's a lay reader maybe hint at them more by including more emotional and sensorial description. Other than that - fantastic and good luck! :)
Check out my fanfic:
SPIDER-MAN FANZINE
THE OUTSTANDING LORD KAOS
Feedback warmly welcomed! :)
LCMC
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#7
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Posted: January 2, 2012 | 10:07 PM
Hey MK, first of all I'd like to say that the story is good, but, I agree with Herox in regards the story. I just to want add/agree with him but say, that with myself as regarding writing, what helps me in writing is picturing in my mind what I want to see leading up to that scene. It should be fluid. If I was to picture your story as a movie, it would be very abrupt as to cutting to certain scenes or describing one thing and than moving to the next. I would be nice, even if it required using larger words, to try and incorporate in a sentence or two what you want to see. Therefore a mental image can be quickly attained and seen in the minds eye. In regards to everyone but since your working on this for class, this site might help in writing various things, especially diaglogue etc...but you since I used it beforewith sucesss and it helped me dramatically, i'm sure this will just make you freggin unstoppable LOL. jerz.setonhill.edu/writing/creative1/sho... One of the sites around.
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#6
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Posted: January 2, 2012 | 9:29 PM
I thought it was really good, mk! Just a few things I would change and give some advice on. Mainly, showing and not telling. For example, when Blanchard "sprints toward the inn" maybe you could say something like "the sound of his feet against the pavement echoes through the night, the inn getting ever closer as he makes his way towards it." And the line "the inn was boisterous", you could maybe add a bit of description as to why it might be that way. Because it is an inn, obviously, but maybe throw in how there's the chatter, the racket, the sound of mugs hitting tables, or plates being moved from the kitchen to outside. Things like that, subtle description but they help get the message across. Also, maybe play up that conflict of him not knowing why he's stealing, or what his motivation is, towards the beginning of the story. That way, the pay off at the end where he says he doesn't know has a bit more impact. Just a few lines here or there at the beginning where you can kind of it tie it together with the "the opportunity presented itself" kind of idea. Just a few bits of advice - but it's up to you, like I said, I really enjoyed it! :)
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#5
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Posted: January 1, 2012 | 9:25 PM
It's up let me know what you think. Don't be afraid to make criticisms I'm trying to get a good grade here and need all the help I can get.
Thanks to Winter_So1dier
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#4
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Posted: January 1, 2012 | 7:56 PM
Thanks hero! I just gotta finish it up. I feel like I'm forcing the archetypes a bit much, so I'm trying to get them out of the way so I can write freely.
Thanks to Winter_So1dier
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