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Things to do if I am ever a comic book character
1. I will accumulate as many superpowers as possible early and often, provided I can be certain they will not drive me insane or kill me.
2. When meeting someone who looks exactly like me but is not yet trying to kill me I will be personable, but suitably cautious. My friends and relatives
will be told about them immediately and trained to tell us apart.
3. If my abilities are based on an outside source I will take appropriate action before begining my career. All machines will be duplicated. Mystical
items will be surgically grafted to the inside of my body unless they actually need to have line of sight to work.
4. I will remember that unless my weaknesses are based on a common element, there is no reason to tell anyone about them. However my friends will be
made aware of a "curte" should they ever find me in less than peak condition.
4a. If they are a common element I will keep the antidote on me or in my body at ALL times.
5. If I find out someone's secret identitity until I can verify what happened to the last five people who found out I will keep it to myself. I do not
want to end up in a coma, dead, or with amnesia. On the other hand there's no rule against setting up a betting pool.
6. If I can build a giant robot or machines previously only seen in science fiction movies, I will consider selling them on public access television
before using them to commit crimes. I will then keep the plans handy but protected for sale to the local authorities for a substantially higher fee when
my customers inevitably abuse my inventions.
7. If I am going to be seduced by a beautiful person on the opposite side, I will make sure I at least get what I want before they get what they want.
8. My enemies get exactly one chance to join my side or escape from where I've locked them up. No more. No less. After that they die ASAP.
9. If someone does join my side they will be required to give me all pertinent information but still work their way up to being trusted with anything
important unless I have numberous back ups. Any backsliding or mistakes (particularly those that look like accidents but somehow allowed their friends
to escape) and they will be immediately executed.
10. I will put making a lot of money over keeping a secret identity. Rich people can afford protection.
11. Rather than keeping them in a secret bunker I will distribute advanced technology to the world. Particularly those devices that can eliminate hunger
and the need for money and provide easy access to space travel, thus eliminating 90% of crime.
12. I or my scientist allies will spend time figuring out why 90% of the planets in the universe are A: run by supervillains and B: keep going out of
their way to try to kill us until I have a satisfactory answer.
13. I will not make any deals with the/another villain until after contemplating if I know a good or neutral super being that can do the same thing.
14. If I join a super team we will occassionally switch costumes so that our enemies are confused as to our strengths and weaknesses.
15. If I kill someone I will assume that for some reason I am unaware of this is a temporary situation and will not be surprised when they show up again
no matter how thorough I was.
16. I will make sure I am fully aware of the definition of "stalking".
17. I will take note of any coincidences, particularly those involvig things I was doing the morning a new enemy appears, names that sound like puns,
and whatever has been recently put on display at the local museum. Especially after the 6th time it happens.
18. If I have superpowers I will head to a planet or universe where nobody else does at the earliest convinience.
19. If I have children I will immediately put them up for adoption but keep a close on eye them from a discreet distance and preferably without telling
anyone.
19. a. I will however send them presents for birthdays, holidays, etc. so that when they do meet me they do not immediately hate me.
20. If I have a child I don't know about I will first determine if they hate or love me. If they hate me I will find out why and take appropriate action
to either turn them to my side or eliminate them. If they love me I will check to make sure they are already on my side before doing the former, rather
than alienating them when they decide we're too different.
21. I will enlist the aid of a ten year old child. Any flaws in my plan that they notice will be fixed before I impliment it.
